| (no subject) |
[Jun. 6th, 2009|06:49 pm] |
last night i dreamt that i was jogging in some sprawling suburbs, running and running and running. there's a serial rapist in disguise pretending to jog behind me. every time i speed up, he speeds up, but i just keep running, trying to get him off my trail. i have this endless energy, borne forward on my feet, buoyant on the sidewalk, flying ahead. after darting around corners and through green grass back yards, i finally lose him just as night falls. i run to an empty restaurant where i sit alone on the patio outside. a waiter appears with a menu & i order shrimp scampi for six dollars & a black coffee for a dollar fifty. i eat and sit there for hours drinking free refills until my brother shows up. where have you been, he says, we've been looking for you. we drive to the greyhound station in downtown youngstown and grandpa is there. i'm shocked to see him, but daniel signals me not to question anything. whenever the dead show up in my dreams, i'm the only one who wants to know how they got there.
and now it is june, and now i can feel the power of summer gathering inside me like some ancient electricity. i am graduating in one week, spending the end of the month in chaos, pressing on and on and on. i will spend this season in my own fucking infinity. i will take walks to the dairy mart to buy cigarettes and syrupy iced coffees from the machine and two dollar lottery tickets, and that is all i need. sometimes i feel like everything. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Oct. 30th, 2007|03:07 pm] |
yann
was this half-french dutchman i met at a bar americain in the latin quarter. he was brooding alone in the corner chainsmoking cigarettes with a scowl and occasionally exchanging chatter with the bartenders. he knew all of them and they knew him, he was a regular. i ended up in a seat next to him and we started talking after he knocked my beer over and replaced it. i went through my american-in-paris lines "ohio, studying french, in dijon, 4 months, here for the weekend, yes, yes" and he listened with the pretended disinterest of paris arrogance, only his was a little less organic since he was an expat himself, having come from rotterdam. meanwhile some american at the bar was claiming that europeans don't even know the names of most 50 states, and yann scowled at this and requested a piece of paper. he lit another cigarette, rolled it between his thumb and forefinger amid intensely serious drags, and glared down at the blank paper before him. he looked up at the ceiling, rubbed his chin for a moment, returned his gaze to his task. after much pensive brow-furrowing thought, he gingerly touched his pencil to the paper, paused again to suck at his gauloise, and finally scratched
1. wisconsin.
2. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[May. 19th, 2006|11:53 am] |
|
this week i have this automatic repulsion to vacation imagery. florida, palm trees, tropical cocktails. it all makes my skin crawl because three days ago a boy went overboard on a cruise ship. in my head i can watch the surveillance video from that night over and over again. play, rewind, play. a blurry figure stumbling out to the deck, laying in a lounge chair for 2 hours, leaning over the railing, and then going over. i wonder how long he stayed alive after he hit the water. i wonder if he had the orientation or will to try and swim. i wonder if the fall killed him or if the suction sucked him under to be sliced up by the propellors. nobody will ever know and we can't rewind days so he is just gone and the coast guard has already stopped looking. may is happening fast and i don't know where to go next. the east coast would be alright i guess, but really all i am inclined to do is stay in bed all weekend. and i will. french class and then marlon brando movies on the television. |
|
|
| atoms for peace |
[May. 4th, 2006|11:26 am] |
Dr.Myers: Enriched Fe58 is now available for studies of iron metabolism via mass spectrometer /radiation exposure. Similarly, N15- labeled glycine is available for studies of hemoglobin metabolism via the mass spectrometer and exposure to radiation and reutilization for resynthesis.
kamen re. Fe p.147- neither iron nor phosphorus is a suitable indicator for studying life span of mammalian erythrocytes. iron released during hemoglobin catabolism.
---
Mrs.Paul C. Aebersold
28 Outer Drive
Oak Ridge, Tennessee
August 20, 1961
Dear Florence and Bill,
Hope you are safely back from a happy trip and out Curie-ing the Curies.
Our month wasn't quite what it migth have been-- measles and mumps. The dormitory would be adequate under normal circumstances, but wasn't too pleasant to be shut up in for any length of time. I doubt that Bill would have enjoyed the mess hall very much (spoiled as he is by his own pert chef) and there wasn't too much choice of restaurants in Woods Hole itself. The lab however, was a scientists paradise- after spending a couple hours peering into a microscope at some of the weird sea specimen, I can appreciate why the men spent all day and half the night there. The beaches were fine and the weather just right most of the time. However, the climax was -- car trouble just 100 miles from home- and we finished by bus. Then Scooter and I went back for the car a week later. We are still in the process of getting everything-- especially ironing-- straightened around.
Our next big project is moving up on "snob Hill". There is a D house (like ours) available with an electric furnace and two baths-- also on a side street, much safer for the babes. The yard is in good shape and the view lovely. So, that starts this week-end.
I've been nursing a pip of a sore throat this week-- missed a luncheon party at Norris yesterday. The Dance Club is having a dinner--dance there tonight, which I hope I'll be up to.
Love,
Mickey and Paul |
|
|
| god is a place you will wait for the rest of your life |
[May. 2nd, 2006|10:45 am] |
Bill-
Remember the long flight across the Pacific which you made shorter with a multitude of stories. The letter was much better reading than this book, but much less printable.
With best regards
Ralph
---
Dispatch 11A- 22 Jan 59
AEC, Scientist Disagree Over Atomic Hazard
WASHINGTON, JAN. 22- (UPI)
---A nuclear scientist and the
Atomic Energy Commission were at
odds today over whether a five-pound
atomic generator unveiled by President
Eisenhower was a radiation hazard.
Dr. Ralph E. Lapp, a physicist and
author who frequently has clashed
with the AEC, said the tiny generator
which was shown to newsmen at the
White House last week carried enough
lethal radiation to make Washington
uninhabitable for years.
AEC Commissioner Willard F. Libby
promptly replied that the polonium
210 used in the device was contained
in a triple jacket that assured "complete
safety."
---
MUST WE HIDE?
R.E. LAPP |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Mar. 26th, 2006|10:32 am] |
|
this week has been on the couch, law and order flickering on the tv. the first day of spring already happened but outside it is sort of snowing and everything feels too much like december 2005. one two three months ago. my brother is on the couch and my mother is playing nurse. "three to five pm is high pain time," she explains to him, adjusting his swollen knee. "everything hurts most between three and five pm." youngstown life versus columbus life, i don't know. my heart bounces between the cities no matter where i take it. last night was an autopilot pilgrimage to john's. he was sick, so i measured out some robitussin and put him to bed and drove home feeling more convicted than i've ever felt on that drive before. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Mar. 9th, 2006|12:45 am] |
|
there are often helicoptors flying in the airspace above me. it is march and everything's going to thaw suddenly, very soon. i can tell, everything feels so restless and old. i am looking forward to rainstorms, swearing by spring like it is going to save my life. i am montaging marches and aprils from the last four five six years. writing on walls in our old abandoned house, traipsing through thorns and grass and mangled barbed wire fences, driving too fast and breaking rules. this afternoon i smoked a joint on the steps of the lawschool and it was sort of raining and then everything except being outside was somehow tainted. for once, i am naming no cities as solutions. i am trying to trace myself back to where there are still tangles. i am throwing myself into this empty time and it is stretching out in front of me like it never ends. |
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| |
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
merci_monsieur's journal